Character: total person worthy of God and Man

2011-08-27T11:25:00.001+08:00

all these nonsense mindset.. must ALL CHANGE!!

on success and maturity

2011-08-26T13:47:00.000+08:00

Met 2 corporate individuals whom in my opinion, are very successful in their own merits, bright career and functional family.

Successful corporate individuals are tough drives their plans through, whatever it takes. They take charge of situations, dominate and calls out commands.

Its time to grow up of the little boy shell, wipe the smile off the face and get serious.

1 Corinthians 13:11
New King James Version (NKJV)

11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

something else

2011-08-23T23:50:00.003+08:00

interviews always make me see myself in new light. Its like an annual evaluation of yourself, you bring yourself to new prospective employers and do sales marketing.

I've learnt many lessons this time. Careers are built over time, people have their niches, the importance of hard work, the importance of effectiveness, routines and their strengths, prioritisation.

Some lessons are tough, people schemes, people sacrifices, people give up or do things just to maintain the job. Well, life isnt a smooth journey for the weak hearted.

Maybe I'm too used to good life, maybe I have not really seen my fair share of the pie. Maybe I'll get a good sleep tonight?

What say you?

I'm hopeful...

Leadership and motivation

2011-07-06T08:51:00.002+08:00

Four steps to achieve your goals:
Come up with a blue print plan of what you want to achieve.
Take action on the plan that you have set your mind upon
Review your plans periodically and receive feedback
Take action and keep evaluating your plan until you achieved the desired results

Toward values
Love, success, happiness, freedom, relationship, security, responsibility, accountability, integrity.

Away values
Rejection, embarrassment, failure, fear, frustration, loss, guilt.

Sweet Mercies

2011-04-12T23:14:00.000+08:00

It's our confession Lord, that we are weak
So very weak, but You are strong
And though we've nothing Lord, to lay at your feet
We come to Your feet and say, Help us along

A broken heart and a contrite spirit
You have yet to deny
Your heart of mercy beats with love's strong current
Let the river flow by your Spirit now, Lord we cry

Let Your mercies fall from heaven
Sweet mercies flow from heaven
New mercies for today
Shower them down Lord as we pray
Let Your mercies fall from heaven
Sweet mercies flow from heaven
New mercies for today
Shower them down Lord as we pray

time

2011-04-01T22:10:00.003+08:00

2 months ago, the same plate of rice cost $2.80. Today it cost me $3.10, that is a 10% increase. Is that true inflation? Or an opportunity for hawkers to chop the innocent customer under such pretense?

Whatever it is, i certainly do know that my salary did not increase by 10% nor anywhere near. We are the new poor.

WWII lost films: the air war

2011-03-31T00:10:00.002+08:00

This is it. Before D-Day, the air war must be won.

It finally time to move on to another new era. Need to be more disciplined, more focused, more time management, more prioritization. Need to do more reading.

Perhaps maybe I will learn to write a journal? My mind is scrambling over everything and everywhere these days, with super short attention span.

I need a break, I need a life. I need to sort out lots of hard issues.
Lead me, take me.

Servant-leader

2010-12-02T23:04:00.002+08:00

Marianne Williamson's book: A return to Love.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

past traits

2010-11-23T00:36:00.001+08:00

I sometimes like to revisit the past, and reclaim traits that I had given up. Though I thought them nasty, occasionally such a need arises.

yucks

2010-11-04T01:14:00.001+08:00

Better focus, more discipline. Even a single B is not allowed.

healing

2010-06-20T09:37:00.003+08:00

healing is remedy to the soul
music could never be sweeter, and swimming pool could never be more welcoming till that fateful day.

a year has passed, and slowly I am feeling the effects as I go through life, realising just so much I've been missing and not appreciating when I had the chance.

it will all never be the same again, unless there's a miracle.

Walking is good.

2010-03-17T20:57:00.001+08:00

I have a niche for random journeys around singapore, often as a past time hobby while waiting for a friend. Dislike by many, these journeys always bring new experiences.

Aljunied is a place of the past, of good breakfast, and of eminent aging population and young grand children. It is also a place of sundays. I've been patroning my favourite wanton mee stall for the last 12 years, it is where I have my most important meal on sundays, breakfast. While homemade chilli and tomato sauce engulfs their noodles, whole shrimps find themselves in every dumpling. The texture is just right, and the dumpling soup base is rightly broiled with the right amount of ikan billis. The taste is exclusively unique, you'll never find it elsewhere. Rich in flavour, yet full of familiar growing up rebellion.

I crossed the road to find an old merchandise shop that I had never stopped to look amidst the busy schedule of emptiness and cares of the world. A random glance of old trading cards prompted the inquisite me to look for what I had collected 13 years ago, marvel cards. Oh you'll never find these cards anywhere else, and with sheer luck I found a hidden pack among other labeled junks thickly covered with dust. Though it isn't exactly the series that I had once been so crazy after, vivid memories flashed across my mind in an instant. "I'll take this!"

I'm just 23, yet I spoke as if I'm 32. A simple trip to even a familiar can bring about much revelation. Imagine many others before me with much heart wrenching and spirit lifting years of their life, searching for something once lost and yet still familiar akin to yesterday. Time to relieve your stress and find your identity, let's take a walk down memory lane. What will you find?

its over

2010-02-11T23:40:00.003+08:00

Hey,

Where's that caring and understanding that people need?
You think you care about people by asking how's you and hearing what others say about them?
Do you even know or understand them?

Don't freaking try to kpo with my life when you don't even know or understand me, period.

Get a life pal, get your facts right.
Be a man, do the right thing.

Nokia PC Suite

2010-02-09T22:21:00.003+08:00

Okay. I'm abit slow to realise that Nokia PC Suite OWNS!
I'm now able to send and receive SMS via my PC!
Thanks NOKIA!

Vicious Cycle

2010-02-09T16:40:00.002+08:00

When we're young, we spend our lives pursuing studies.
Wishing we'll have more money, that we'll quickly grow up.
We forgot we have health, youth and time.

When we became adults, we spend our lives building our career.
Wishing we'll have more time and even more money.
We forgot we have health, youth and some money.

When we got old, we spend the days idling.
We finally got all the time and money.
Wishing we'll have health and youth to do the things we always wanted to do.
But we forgot, we already had them before.

What do you have?

Grow up of your box.

2010-02-06T01:33:00.002+08:00

Gossip kills, don't be shallow.

There's a time for everything.
A time to preach the gospel, a time to be a listening ear.

We can be full of the scriptures, but we can forget to be a friend.
Everyone knows where to find the scriptures, but they just want a friend to tell them.

Are you my friend?

Purple shoes from john little

2010-02-01T21:14:00.002+08:00

I know there's no way she would be persuaded to get anything without these robinsons vouchers.
The shoes only cost $21.90, but I can see how much joy it brought her to be able to shop and find the most suitable pair. This long lost experience and excitement could be clearly seen from the facial expression.
After much persuasion, I managed to get my mom this pair of shoes for lunar new year. No one ever said only parents were to buy apparels for their kids huh?

Alan: I bet you can't sleep tonight, must be very happy for these shoes. When's the last time you got shoes from a department store?

Mom: Not that I remember!

Alan: Don't Dad ever got you any shoe for department stores?

Mom: Only once, and that was a long time ago. (I can only imagine, must be the dating days)

I worked hard at home this holiday, and this particular night made me realised how much parents sacrificed to put food on the table, for their children.

Thank you mom. Happy Chinese New Year.

A list: 250209

2010-01-31T17:42:00.002+08:00

eggs
wontons
mushroms
dumplings
leafy vegetables
chicken stocks
fishballs
scallops
noodles
straw mushrooms
tofu
tofu skin
fish
prawns
spring onions
crabsticks

sesame oil
garlic
soy sauce

yum yum, looking forward to the next.

Problem Solving

2010-01-20T14:27:00.000+08:00

A certain region in the field becomes crucial, is focused; but it does not become isolated. A new, deeper structural view of the situation develops, involving changes in functional meaning, the grouping, etc, of the items. Directed by what is required by the structure of a situation for a crucial region, one is led to a reasonable prediction, which like the other parts of the structure, calls for verification, direct or indirect. Two directions are involved: getting a whole consistent picture, and seeing what the structure of the whole requires for the parts'.

Wertheimer, 1959

this is it

2009-12-21T23:25:00.003+08:00

All these years, I've been positive and patient.
At times I didn't have a choice, at times I took the challenge. Always believing that there will be rainbow after the rain.
In every bad thing that happens, I look for and believe in the good. I may have nothing, but I've became a champion in my own virtues.
Thank God for the tough trainings, I've gained much understanding and maturity. I've learned to be humble.
Though this has been one of the worst year in my life, I've been strong. I complained and I whined. But I never wavered.
I lost my spirt, mind, body and soul. Everything I worked hard for has come to naught. Often thinking I'll just collapsed while walking or standing on the train, I pressed on.

I took every, single, shit, like, a, man. And now this.
I love and care for you. All your problems are mine, and I took it all. Every restriction and difficulty you have, I carried it. I didn't even realize I put you before myself.
Women say, the men don't get it. Have you ever hear me say, the women don't get it?
I don't got any strength to go on. You hurt me so bad with that message.
There is no reservoir left. Let me close my eyes and go to sleep.

I want to be negative.
I want to be weak.

I just want to cry.
Can I?

where's the light?

2009-10-18T22:20:00.000+08:00

this is frustrating.
why am i losing everything?
am i trying too hard?

Map your life

2009-08-25T21:48:00.003+08:00

My 2feet tank has been running for exactly 3 months now. Though I’ve only top up water twice due to evaporation and feed my fishes once every 2days-2weeks, not a single fish has died! Therefore I’m proud to claim that my self-sustaining aquarium has indeed been very successful! Cheers!

The aquarium is an audience. It has witnessed a fair bit of emotional struggles, of physical deterioration and of mental suffocation. I consider mild, for I draw strength from others who have been through so much worse I can only imagine but will never truly understand. I am grateful. For the first time in my life, I can truly feel that my friends sense the severity. If they know..

All hopes are not lost, and the future seems bright. I believe in the future of my dreams. Life will knock you down and thrash the identity out of you. You will be confused and disappointed. You will be torn and weary. You will complain and whine. But your spirit must never be broken.

At the same time, i discovered new warmth and comfort. Ah that is sweet.
Lets push on harder, stronger towards what we have set out to achieve. Expect more challenges and excitement. Nothing less.

For I know this will be a starry Christmas.

Life is a marathon

2009-06-22T23:43:00.005+08:00

One more week of holiday and I'll get my butt back in office!

I do admit its kinda quiet around here. Well most visitors dont tag! I'm even surprised people even remember this blog exists. I have sneaky friends haha! And thats good =)

Anyway, I'm into birds now! Don't get me wrong, I'm still very much into fish! Just that I was reminded birds were the first pets I ever wanted to keep, and they're cute! Lets just hope they dont dive into my fish tank =/ Through proper training, I will let it fly around my house!

At times I feel that I'm the most miserable guy around. Life just never seems to be perfect at any point. Yet when i see other people my age in wheelchairs, having need to go through needles every single day, it never fails to make my heart warm and assures me that I'm very much blessed. No matter what plans and success you may have in life, God holds it all in His hands.

What ever it takes, I must have the determination and discipline to finish the next 6 months of my life, its only a 2.4km sprint. For life is not merely 10km, but 84km or even more.

Positive

2009-06-12T14:40:00.003+08:00

Apparently its the inactive strain, i think. So its relatively safe.
Well on another note i shall take it positively. Its holidays!!

Shall indulge in the occasional suppers, books, TVs and take time to polish up my languages! As well as doing my modules and learning some french. Wee heee paid medical leave! (for one week, hope they still want me after that!)

Life is unpredictable

2009-06-11T23:03:00.003+08:00

You can plan and get all you want, things happen and you lose everything. Got my filter fixed, managed to grow 'HC' plants, got a bright prospective position at SIM and things happen. Now I'm very likely to lose my job, the next few months/years of my life, my youth and a huge sum of money. None of these had i planned for, nothing of my doing at all.

I'm only 22. Just when I managed to piece life together with so much more effort than others, it just have to happen to me.
Life seems meaningless for me now. When will I see another glimpse of light?

Restaurant City Day 3

2009-06-07T22:02:00.004+08:00

WAH HA! I managed to get the maximum popularity 50 in RC! Full speed ahead to lvl 27! The next milestone is lvl 17 where i'll get my next employee! haha! Yes no toilet because its ugly and not necessary! Will spree once i get my next employee haha.

boring night

2009-06-05T22:49:00.003+08:00

sometimes i take my girlfriend for granted. that she's always the first person to disturb me whenever i logon msn. today it seems kinda weird since she's in camp. oh well.

anyway, i've finally got a job at SIM! they wanted me to start working the interview day itself! well i had to email other companies informing them of my decisions. kinda sad that some of them wanted me, well all the best finding the most suitable candidate!

1 galaxy and 2 shrimps has died since my filter malfunctioned. Hoping they'll hold on until i get my filter fixed! argh!

in any case, i'm on restaurant city! nudge me to trade ingredients now!!

Sakura Galaxy pt 2

2009-05-25T18:41:00.004+08:00

My latest project! The Sakura Galaxy! Its not the end result yet as the tank is still cycling but enjoy! May it mature and establish and be the next big thing!

Flora:
Java moss, flame moss, java ferns, coral pellia (please dont melt!)

Fauna:
2 Galaxies, 3 Black moor fries, 1 oto, 5 ramshorn snails

Stay tuned for more development!

Sakura Galaxy

2009-05-14T22:32:00.003+08:00

Unveiling my latest project brief!
The stuff I've been busy gathering last 2 days, ** denotes missing.

Most expensive equipment! Eheim 2213 external filter >>>

The other equipments:
2ft tank w styrofoam
Aqua zonic 11w fluorescent light
Thermometer
White small gravel

Flora:
Duck weed
Flame moss
Java moss
Java fern
Subwassertang*
Driftwood*

Stay tuned..

Moon River

2009-05-10T13:55:00.003+08:00

Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.

While shouzhen has a video on her blog, you guys need the lyrics! Lovely, enjoy!

My dad got himself a Nokia 6500 slide which comes with a data cable compatible with my E63, and that means I get to use!

Nick Vujicic

2009-05-07T21:43:00.001+08:00

dam wisdom tooth

2009-05-05T22:15:00.004+08:00

argh. the operation was like 1030am, its 1010pm now but my gums are still bleeding like crazy.
that despite me going to SGH A&E at 6pm in a bid to stop the bleed.
DAM. the SGH doctor added more stitches but its still bleeding as if its free.
i don't have enough blood already!
been drinking my own blood the own day.

please make it go away!

11 things your boss won't tell you.

2009-04-29T19:27:00.004+08:00

Source: http://images.barnesandnoble.com/images/14530000/14539084.JPG

1. The company is in trouble
There are rumours of redundancies and tough financial times ahead. Until things are really dire, we're likely to remain tight-lipped.

2. I'm busy worrying about me, not you.
We're busy doing our own job, so if you need help, training or support, you have to let us know. "Take responsibility. The best advice I ever received was manage up," says recruitment manager Justin Babet, "so tell your boss what you need from them."

3. Dress to impress
Just because the workplace has a casual dress code, it doesn't mean you should dress like a slob. If you speak with firm command, you will be seen as authoritative and if you arrive early and act kee, you'll be perceived as a hard worker. So dress, act and talk for the position you want, not the one you're in.

4. You're too keen
Just as bad as lazy workers are the painfully over-eager ones. We don't want to spend time listening to your wild plans to improve the company or find extra projects for you to work on.

5. Your best career move is not in my best interest.
You may be well and truly ready for a step up the company ladder, but if you are excelling in your current position, we'd probably prefer it if you stayed exactly where you are. "Make sure you create your own succession plan," says Justin Babet.

6. You smell
We detest having to pull an employee aside and tell them there have been complaints made about their scent. Remember the deodorant and avoid making us, or your colleagues, feel awkward.

7. Solutions not problems
Don't come marching into my office with a problem if you haven't got any suggestions about how to fix it. That's called whinging. "If you truly want change, come prepared with some ideas," says Babet.

8. You deserve a pay rise
If you feel you are due more money or a promotion, be proactive and ask for it. Don't wait around for us to pat you on the back and make the offer. It's not going to happen.

9. You run your personal life from your desk
We will rarely pull you aside if you are always on Facebook, eBay or the phone organising your personal life, but do you honestly think we don't notice? Rest assured we do!

10. Stand your grand
Don't let people dump work on you. If you can delegate and are capable of being assertive, we'll be impressed and see you as management potential. Respect is more important than popularity.

11. You should resign
Do you feel like you've hit a dead end in your current position? Unless you're seriously underperforming, don't wait for us to show you the door.

Source: RDWORK; Reader's Digest January 2009 Issue

2009-04-29T18:25:00.001+08:00

your mind is not focused on the present, here and now. your mind is scattered like dust

Mentoring

2009-04-12T14:05:00.002+08:00

When I was much younger and still in secondary school, I always believed and wanted to be part of mentoring. I was so lost yet I knew I can do so much more with proper guidance. I needed directions badly.

Nevertheless, I grew up having so much choices I do not know where to start. Indeed some choices I simply have to choose while others remains open ended.

As years went by, I grew up finding my way and my own directions in life. Most importantly, I found an identity. No doubt it remains much to be harvest, but that remains to be unseen. I've found my life.

huh?

2009-03-07T00:32:00.002+08:00

I cant sleep. I am disturbed.
Why must I force myself to sleep.
Why must i force myself to do so many things that i did not want to do and yet abandon what i had always wanted to do?

I've changed. Things hasn't changed.
Whats the point i wonder? Whats worth all the sacrifices?

I'm too soft. I need to make a stand and be more assertive.
Trying to protect and maintain so much things i wonder, so what is it really?

I ponder and think, think and ponder.
Afraid to upset this balance, expected to perform in certain manners.

Must we really restrict ourselves? Why let things control us?
Its the time and season again. I've lost myself again.
Why do I always try and put myself in control again?
Does that mean things will be secure and safe?

Where's the peace?

everything must change, starts now

2009-01-12T20:47:00.002+08:00

'till i've experienced God's presense again, life will always be the same.'

I've never doubt this, and weeks before i've been thinking about this all day. Caijie's sharing on Friday night just assured me of so much things i've gotta do in a new direction.

Life is just plain empty no matter how much blessings we have. I've been trying to make sense of so much things with my mind, that often i don't feel nor etched anything with my heart.

2007 had been fruitful, 2008 had been futile and 2009 will be foundational.
Let my life be so transformed, that i will never be the same again.

sian

2008-09-30T20:05:00.003+08:00

I guess its really true that only through storms
We can tell the depth of sailing ships.
Only when our time becomes so stretched,
And priorities show what we really choose.
Perhaps actions really does prove a thousand words.
And words dont make up a picture.
Too much cover and concealment.
Restrictions and limitations.
Maybe i'm disappointed, maybe i'm sian.
Cant put words to them.

I better go do something before i start thinking more nonsense.
Yet i had enough of the previous statement.

I never knew.

risk

2008-09-27T08:57:00.002+08:00

brave singaporeans are actually huge risk takers
we take risks by being afraid, by not taking out risks themselves

by taking risks, we might actually gain and achieve something bigger
by not taking risks, we will definitely risk losing probable gain

maybe love is about rational choice plus emotional feel
maybe love is a way of living
maybe love is a combination of both
or maybe love is just a speculation

why must i hide what i think, how we feel
im so tired

why do i love running in the rain
perhaps we're just huge risk takers everyday

oldie

2008-06-20T23:17:00.002+08:00

In the distant night sky,
there's a cresent moon
Beneath the cresent,
stands a winding bridge
Besides the bridge,
is a little curved boat
Aboard the curved boat,
sits a familiar ah jiao

lost

2008-05-18T01:06:00.002+08:00

im a little lost.
where, where am i heading?
sometimes i dont even know the things i do
been trying to do too many things
yet none is achieved.
torn and confused
like fire and ice
can completion be achieved?
why must i bear the pain and brave the front?
im weak
convict me thy purpose
when dreams seem so faint

relax

2008-02-27T22:30:00.002+08:00

maybe it isnt about the past nor the future.
its about the present.

i need to live my life.

Out Stealing Horses

2008-01-09T21:15:00.000+08:00

Read the reviews here.

Read the book here.

boots on the ground

2007-12-30T22:00:00.000+08:00

This year has been blessed. It might not have been very productive, but the very least i've learned solid truths about humanity, and about myself. I'm still a long way to go, with so much to do, and so much to catch up. This journey i cannot afford to halt.

Sometimes i wake up in the jungle wondering, boy am i living in another world? I've never really know the realities of war, but they hurt enough. A soldier's life is terrible, much less in a real war. Pray hard Singapore never, ever goes to a war.

"loneliness, homesickness" A soldier just want to return home, to peace and the warmth of his loved ones. The take home of these 2 years, is a better man.

Everytime i see you, i just forget how little time we have.

from me to you

2007-12-28T20:45:00.001+08:00

i remember sometime in december last year, i wanted to go-kart and u said we could go some day. u even went to check out the place and cost and everything. and this year, we really went go-karting, just that it was at escape. and i won! haha!

at that time, i never thought i would ever like u, not to mention even being together. it's been a really amazing journey even though we have only been together for 8 months. i can still remember initially i could not believe u were my boyfriend for real. but despite ur irregular bookouts and my inconsistent schedule, we've stayed strong.

this 8 months is just but a small part of the many years (i pray) we're gonna have. even as u go for ur many outfields (like now) and overseas trips, i'll always be praying for u and taking care of myself.

it's gonna be a long journey ahead but for now, all i really want is to see u smile (=

things to rmb

2007-12-14T14:52:00.001+08:00

almond
running
teardrops on my guitar
last christmas
fields of gold
logcake
shouzhen =D

passion

2007-11-18T01:19:00.000+08:00

Which my soul still seeks but I cannot find:
One woman among a thousand I have found,
But a man among all these I have not found

gotta run.

mighty to save

2007-11-18T00:49:00.000+08:00

Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
A kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

My Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus

who are you?

2007-11-11T18:28:00.000+08:00

Where's the passion?
I need to take bigger steps.

To Kim

2007-11-07T22:38:00.000+08:00

In a moment two become one.
Two lives become one heart.
Two roads become one path.
Two journeys become one adventure.
With you, one moment has become a lifetime.

Erwin Raphael Mcmanus

alan will love this

2007-11-05T11:32:00.001+08:00

today's special

2007-11-04T16:37:00.000+08:00

Don't you think she's pretty?

Okay, it was yesterday's special but who cares.

The cheese fries at miss clarity's rules, but its not going to steal the limelight so no pic of it!

I shall order cheese fries and pasta on my next visit!

And I cant wait to have my christmas dinner.

understand

2007-11-04T16:12:00.000+08:00

I was too lazy to think about bgr during CET, but i find myself unknowingly thinking about this on the way home.

The key to reaching and leading youths is understanding. We're all humans, and we look for people who understands and relates to us. Human relationships are subtle issues. They don't need people to tell them what to do, they need people to show them why the proposed alternative is better. We need to understand them and speak their language, to see their puzzles and struggles. Only then we will know which strings to pull, and which strings to slack.

Understanding comes from getting interested and getting involved in their personal and daily lives. Leadership is being recognised, not acknowledged.

catch

2007-10-28T02:17:00.000+08:00

I almost regretted buying the new computer when my old com managed to boot.
Thankfully, the regret was resolved when the problems resurfaced.
I've given up on it.
Apparently i have to accept the fact that the new computer sits on the desk, forget the old com and quit whinning.
It might not be great for gaming, but its doing well (videos,music etc).
I'll find some other ways to earn the money i spend.

Sorry guys, priorities stay for a reason, and i believe sispec helps to reinforce this.
Say goodbye to nightlife, they are bad for health.
I cant afford to abuse myself like i did.

I already have the date in mind.
Yet there's sooooo much things i have to do to get there and beyond.
It might be a long journey, but i know i will enjoy every moment of it.
I must work and save harder!

Need some planning.

Seeing you smile like that, makes me happy.

alan's poems 101

2007-10-22T22:15:00.000+08:00

cover your face with your blanket

close your eyes and the world belongs to you and me

expect nothing

2007-10-21T20:05:00.000+08:00

Mind seems much clearer after the sleep, although it lasted a short 4 hours.
Cant help but regret a little for buying the com. Yet as i uses it, i realise how much agony it spares me from.
Things arent that bad. Probably the best things i did this weekend was jogging with my dad on sat morning.
I love the time of father and son, and how the warm up drills i learn helps the old man.
Making dinner for my parents was cool as well, i used to make lunch for my family on sundays. Those were nice too.

Expect nothing.

vanity

2007-10-20T22:45:00.000+08:00

All we see and seem, is but a dream within a dream.

In all honesty, i've been very unhappy lately.
As andy mentioned, i fought hard for my weekends, for nothing at all.
Every week i wait for the verdict, hoping for a friday bookout with great enthusiasm and excitement.
Only to be dashed by disappointments and trivials that shouldnt even exist.
I am so tired, my body never get to rest and i'm always falling sick on weekends.
At times i wished i stay in camp for the weekend, life seems so much happier.

the war is faint, the battle is bleak. alas, when?

for one more day

2007-09-30T18:12:00.000+08:00

"But ask yourself this: Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back."

I didnt write that, its from the book 'for one more day'

All the Sispec training and hostages/war articles are getting to me. Too many depressing articles might bring you nearer to reality, but they're often bad for health. And again I fell asleep while standing in the train today. Stand sleeping always dawn new relevations on me, provoking me to redirect/change my lifestyle and efforts.

I will be strong.

ice.

2007-09-19T23:27:00.000+08:00

An extract from The Street Lawyer, John Grisham.
How appropriate.

"I've seen everything. You learn to stay level. When a client kicks the habit, finds a job, gets an apartment, you say a little prayer of thanks. But you don't get excited, because another Ruby will come along and break your heart. There are more valleys than mountains.
"How do you keep from being depressed?"
"You draw strength from the clients. They are remarkable people. Most were born without a prayer or a chance, yet they survive. They trip and fall, but they get up and keep trying."

weary

2007-09-19T22:45:00.001+08:00

Actually I'm unproductive and ill-disciplined.
I'm so weary that someone had to point it out to me.
My life went wrong when the list was wrong.
I must detach and rethink my priorities.

Z monster

2007-09-15T01:56:00.000+08:00

The Z monster comes to all.
The ambitious with his empty to-do lists,
The loaf and his perfect dreams
Cruel and ruthless, it shows no discrimination.

Are they not the same person?
Guts and fever
Where have thy traits fled to?
A powerful man makes things happen.

Let’s play catch, every step counts
Don’t you ever smile?
Maybe someday, I’ll try
Passion, the race’s getting old.

Words, over numbers, unencumbered numbered words.
Offers nothing more than a mind breather
Welcome to the real world, humanity screams for attention.
Child, you miss the fun.

Separate lives living on borrowed time
Each moment too precious to breathe
Reflections, a word used too often.
Trust the ocean, you’ll never drown.

Fight the Z monster!
Awake from its prison slumberland!
Today, I don’t want to know tomorrow.
I’m only human first.

Geeks

2007-07-11T02:53:00.000+08:00

Some geeky statements I randomly made up, learn the wisdom behind them!

Question: Define girlfriend.
Answer: Shouzhen.

~

Alan: I have shouzhen, thus I have a girlfriend.

awesome

2007-06-23T13:13:00.000+08:00

I woke up at 645am naturally! despite the fact that i reached home around 12midnight for the past 1week and i never had a good rest for months! its amazing.

the past 7 months were awesome. though many transitions and changes took place, not only did i grew and adapted, i was more than what i thought would be. i know its only by God's grace everything went well smoothly and even beyond my expectations.

let me enjoy and appreciate 3 more weeks of love and freedom before i serve the country!

while shouzhen gets some rest, i'm gona pack my house, do some reading and learn some french!

awesome.

Gift from heaven

2007-06-17T17:52:00.000+08:00

No one told me, I was going to find you

Unexpected, what you did to my heart

When I lost hope

You were there to remind me

This is the start

Something happened!
Amazing!
Spectacular and Extravagant!

Let it be spoken!
A man of few words
Let it go forth!
A humble rendezvous

Let the stones remember
This glamorous journey
Let truth burst forth!
Warmth the hearts of every individual

Let the oceans rise and the skies declare!
A life beyond abundance
Let all music sound!
I love you shouzhen, you're the best gift from heaven.

Let me be reminded,
All these pemissible by the grace of God.

She deserves some credits and dedication. Shall maintain some privacy so, thanks for everything. My girlfriend rules, she's the best!

Church Camp 10-13 June

2007-06-09T20:14:00.000+08:00

Yay, I'm done packing and that's all im bringing for 4days 3 nights! I still think I'm taking a lot of rubbish so I hope it'll get smaller!

Excited!

Edit: My bro wana use the black shoebag, so the slippers got into the bag! Hence the new picture with that pouch!

Recipe #1

2007-06-06T13:29:00.000+08:00

If you wana get married, start by learning to make this dish.

http://frenchfood.about.com/od/poultryvolaille/r/chickveronique.htm

Fragile

2007-06-01T00:01:00.000+08:00

Rehearsal is never the real thing,
It still hurts.
Not that it runs shallow,
but the greater choice to let go.
Surprises might never be fulfilled,
seek guidance from above.
Mutuality, from which,
a word springs forth.
Of dreams, hopes and purposes,
where the wind take my wings.

Third

2007-05-22T12:14:00.001+08:00

Oh no I'm getting old. Or rather, I'm getting wise?

Rendezvous

2007-05-22T10:44:00.000+08:00

When shouzhen told me she swam in a sea at Philippines, I was jealous!
I miss the majestic sunlight beaming down on the golden yellow/white sand and its reflections across clear blue waters.

Not that I play sea sports everyweek. But I do wish I have more opportunities and more friends who are into sea sports.

I love swimming, especially in the sea. I feel at home when I'm in the waters. This sense of belonging made permissible with the deceiving presence of freedom, and the absense of gravity (maybe not true with those with problems floating!). The possibilities to explore are boundless.

And that's why I told qb I'm fussy to who comes along with me to redang. Its kinda sacred.
www.redang.org

Truth

2007-05-20T23:31:00.000+08:00

Real lives, real people
Real love, real you

Experience it, remind me.

Names

2007-05-15T12:35:00.000+08:00

Funny! Should I smile or get the creeps?

Sian'ed

2007-04-29T21:15:00.000+08:00

The worse thing that can ever happen to me is sian'ed.
For some reason I was sian'ed for the past 2 days. Perhaps I'm so busy and got caught up with things that I lost my focus on what's really important. But God is good, He refreshes and reminds.

Life is a balance, some statement I randomly made up and has never failed me.

Dreams vs Reality,

Intelligence vs Emotions,

Fears vs Faith etc.

Wisdom determines your choices and how you finishes it.

Serene

2007-04-29T00:58:00.000+08:00

'Look at my face. Think I care?'

Where were you? Once my favourite pet phrase.

I need to take my mind off.

4 Seniors, 2 Lives, 1 God

2007-04-22T00:34:00.000+08:00

Norm is fear in uncertainties.
Acceptance found in majorities and sameness.

A hand, a heart to take
due delicate care, and no turning back
A faithful man who can find?
Constant reminder to bear.

What makes the new season?
Accountability and commitment
Yet the old rules stay
Build a house, brick by brick

Whichever choice, the paths lay ahead

Courage and balance, I had decide.
Do not be afraid
For its a joyous thing.

National Service

2007-04-19T22:35:00.001+08:00

Good evening Mr CHUA BOON PIN.
Your enlistment date is on 10-Jul-2007. Your reporting unit is POLICE ACADEMY

Good afternoon Mr TEE QIYAO.
Your enlistment date is on 13-Jul-2007. Your reporting unit is TRAINING LIST BASIC MILITARY TRAINING CENTRE SCHOOL 2

Good evening Mr KOH REN GUANG, ALAN.
Your enlistment date is on 14-Jul-2007. Your reporting unit is TRAINING LIST BASIC MILITARY TRAINING CENTRE SCHOOL 1.

\o/

2007-04-18T22:44:00.000+08:00

I have a wish

Helen Grey

2007-04-16T21:49:00.000+08:00

Because one loves you, Helen Grey,
Is that a reason you should pout
And like a March wind veer about
And frown and say your shrewish say?
Don't strain the cord until it snaps,
Don't split the sound heart with your wedge,
Don't cut your fingers with the edge
Of your keen wit: you may perhaps.

Because you're handsome, Helen Grey,
Is that a reason to be proud?
Your eyes are bold, your laugh is loud,
Your steps go mincing on their way:
But so you miss that modest charm
Which is the surest charm of all;
Take heed; you yet may trip and fall,
And no man care to stretch his arm.

Stoop from your cold height, Helen Grey,
Come down and take a lowlier place;
Come down to fill it now with grace;
Come down you must perforce some day:
For years cannot be kept at bay,
And fading years will make you old;
Then in their turn will men seem cold,
When you yourself are nipped and grey.

2007-04-08T00:13:00.000+08:00

A new season is approaching
Inevitably, I can feel myself growing into adulthood
I'm excited because of what the future brings
but it also requires me to give up certain things

Many have noticed
different set of perspectives
drastic change in lifestyle
developing new habits and disciplines
most of which while I'm aware, but not fully conscious of

Events and responsibilities seen as goals to most
I see them as milestones and beginnings of something amazing
Life isnt just a journey to reach or achieve something
Its about everyday living

There's so much I gotta do for the next 2-3 years
and all the time I know the answer lies in each day

I've not decided
if its gona be spectacular and extravagant
or it'll just be free and easy

Endless journey
Faithful dreams

Dreams and perseverance

2007-04-05T22:28:00.000+08:00

The road less travelled
The distance still far

Bleak, thristy, solitary
Hope, charity, victory

Breaking and building
Anxiety and tranquility

Endless journey

Faithful dreams

Angry?

2007-04-04T10:35:00.000+08:00

Everyone is accusing me for being angry when I'm not:

ｩRﾆx ( My "Woh" World ) : To someone: "angels and devils fear soul impalers......" says:
anyway... monday you very angry... I heard from bay they all..
where the wind take my wings says:
huh
where the wind take my wings says:
monday?
where the wind take my wings says:
hahaaa
where the wind take my wings says:
oh movie u mean?
ｩRﾆx ( My "Woh" World ) : To someone: "angels and devils fear soul impalers......" says:
ya.. I thought they invited you
where the wind take my wings says:
hahaha ya
where the wind take my wings says:
bt i nv angry wat

Me gathering feedback:

where the wind take my wings says:
when im serious v fierce is it
where the wind take my wings says:
hahaha
ｩRﾆx ( My "Woh" World ) : To someone: "angels and devils fear soul impalers......" says:
ya

I'm so amused hahahaa.

NS

2007-04-03T17:51:00.000+08:00

I went to miw.com to check on my enlistment status.

Your enlistment is between June 2007 till November 2007. An enlistment notice will be sent to you two months before your enlistment date.

till November!? Latest July please, I don't want to wait so LONG!!

To Dos (revised)

2007-04-01T23:03:00.000+08:00

No point saying what I want to do without solid plans. Lets zoom in.

Before NS:
- windsurf ( attend and complete their 2 day course at East Coast Park)
- Redang ( 3D2N, cost includes scuba diving, resort stay etc. Needs research)
- Get a job (DONE!)
- Languages ( write on a random topic each week. readers' suggestions welcome)
- Doing church as a team (give myself until April 8 to finish all 10 chapters)

- Get certified as a lifeguard / instruments (on hold)

What you want?

2007-04-01T00:24:00.000+08:00

The bike:

The Tamiya:

I own the tamiya model of this Honda CBR 1100XX since I was 15 and I dream of riding such a bike since I was young. Not many people know about this though. This is the best time to chase this dream. If I miss this season I might never fulfill this dream again, never. As much as I dream of it, I doubt I will risk what I have for this. Sorry, you're not worth the risk of me giving up everything else, they're more important. Goodbye.

Gotta stay focus and prioritise on the more important things. Don't stagger!

PS:

Bike pic from here

Tamiya pic from here.

MSN Messenger

2007-03-28T22:41:00.000+08:00

Post # 2 - Drama

2007-03-28T00:22:00.000+08:00

Even though dramas and conflicts aren't pleasant, yet they are the ones that spice up life. The world is constantly changing, and we choose how we react to these changes. Notice this word of wisdom: we choose how we react to these changes.

Even though sometimes we may be physically powerless to react to these changes and our minds are subjected to influences, we are the ones ultimately to make the choice. Tough I know.

Whats life without drama? If we choose to react negatively we end up hurting both us and the ones who love us. If we choose to run and avoid we end up not living at all. But if we choose to try and view the same thing from another perspective, we most probably will grow and move on.

Think about the last time you cut your finger. Yes it hurts no doubt, but looking back isn't it silly? Could it have been avoided? Maybe the scar is still around but you survived that cut and you learn at least where the nearest plaster is!

We all face mud in our lives. Some are dump into our face by others, others we choose to stick our foot in and it isn't nor will it be always pleasant.

I'm a blessed man and I know it. How cool it is to scale new heights and explore new ventures if we can think from another angle and see opportunities.

And I'm reminded: 1st Thess 5:18, go read yourself haha.

Post #1 - Work

2007-03-28T00:01:00.000+08:00

Its been a great 1 month.

Lets look at what these people told me;

Shouzhen: alan, you're more responsible now le
Elisha: its good to see that you're working hard now
Jessie Sietho (boss!): did you feel that you've grown after this project?

I'm so encouraged. Even though I wasn't certain about taking on this job, I'm determined to challenge my excuses and set new discipline heights for myself.

I struggled a lot during my first 2 weeks. Though I made mistakes today even when I hasnt been for awhile, work is still pleasant. I almost went crazy initially until I started playing 'free' in my mind. Since then songs have been playing randomly in my mind, with the latest hits being 'reason I live'.

Apparently work has gotten into me. Instead of surfing the 3 blogs that I do every night, logging into my work mail account has been added to that list! When I saw the mail from this guy in UK updated status on the project that are positive, I was soooo EXCITED! The fruits of our labor are starting to pay off and we'll be seeing the results soon!

Thanks. You're awesome.

Responsibilities

2007-03-25T22:57:00.000+08:00

Quote #3:
Maturity is the acceptance of responsibilities.

I've stopped receiving allowance from my parents as of today. Whichever endeavor I'll embark on, be it further studies, marriage, I'm determined to earn my keep. I've also taken on new roles, to provide allowance, pay my bills and transportations.

These 3 months has been fruitful for me. I've learned to take on responsibilities and not squirm my way through like I did. I'm still facing and work on many of my character flaws and to keep my word each day. At the same time, I've grown to make a stand and stick with my priorities. Some sacrifices gotta go to fulfill whats important. Falter is often used too much.

I remembering telling my boss on my first day at work, "19 year old boy dont like responsibilities".

Church

2007-03-24T01:15:00.000+08:00

Posting about church isn't my style. But God is so amazing.

Event #1:
A few weeks ago I was just telling shouzhen that worship atmosphere is bleak and stale. Since then I had a dream. Around 1 week later we were both agreeing that something is changing.

Worship last Sunday was totally different, I was so amazed by the response from people that was similar to the dream that I had mentioned above. I'm reminded during last Saturday night.

Event #2:
For some reason, I sense something very very strong, yet vulnerable in Martin 2 weeks ago. Perhaps something is bonding him, and that he needs to break away with some rubbish in his life. I went home last Sunday, with my lips wording 'break break break'

Last Sunday, he responsed to the altar call, and I sense God is changing his heart. In good time.

Event #3:
I'm to prepare for worship this Friday. For some reason I wanted everyone to stand but I just cant think of a plan or get them to stand. Surprisingly, there was a change of schedule, and everyone was standing when I began.

And worship was much much more explosive than I imagined, and totally different from what we had every week. Thanks.

Event #4:
I didn't gave up reading 'doing church as a team' even though I only read 1 chapter this week. Initially I was rather disappointed by people in cell, and I doubted we could ever make it as a team.

This friday, I saw at last what it means to be a team. Everyone must desire to grow together, and work on it. Initially I thought I was to be the hero to build a new generation, I was wrong. We build each other to be the next generation, that makes a team.

Event #5:
Its amazing when your heart is excited for something and you see it unfolds in your eyes.
I'm reminded once again that God is ever changing, and He's building and growing us each day to be the Man He wants us to be. I'm very thankful for the seasons, that I'm learning and seeing something new each season.

The lesson for the new season, 'Dreams and Perseverance'

PS: I didnt narrate all the amazing things that happened in my life, want to know more? ask me hahaha.

Dual hander

2007-03-21T16:11:00.000+08:00

My journey to become a dual hander.

Office

2007-03-21T10:14:00.000+08:00

My office is empty, at least for the next 3 days. Everyone else is out for some conference in Bali save me and another girl! She's married drop the idea!

I have to take care of the office, and lock the doors at night, in case someone finds a pass and sneak in.

So for the next 3 days, we own the office.

I'm told that there are many hidden visitors here that I don't even know exist! Stop hiding you
cowards!

I might sign up for windsurfing next saturday! Excited!

peace

2007-03-19T22:42:00.000+08:00

torn in a constant struggle between the innocence of a boy, and the responsibilities of a man

Her toes are blushing

2007-03-18T10:47:00.000+08:00

God uses injuries to attract our attention.

Sometimes I really think that my optimism can be destructive. I was too playful, and got my fingers injured in a ropeburn. All my scars are attached with memories. Its not foreign for man to feel that life is colorless and without excitement. Injuries and scars occur to help us learn and remember certain moments better. They also brings excitement and drama, exhibit character and test the authenticity of relationships. It seems foolish when the scars are raw, but we often find fun and memories in the same scars as we look back at them in the future.

Silly stunts is also what many of my friends remember me for. They remember me doing the impossible, getting out of every situation unscathed, laughing and smiling at the new experience. I give people the shocks of their lives as well as surprises. Although I don't like to get hurt, I like influencing people and making impacts in others life.

I'm reminded that I'm very fortunate and blessed.

My fingers are labelled shou zhen.

You

2007-03-15T19:12:00.000+08:00

Never knew we would have so many traits in common.

We're friendly and sociable.
We're innocent (dont waste time being complicated).
We love our friends and families.
We can be wilful and ignore what people say.
We go for what we want, never looking back.
We love arts and music.
We love food.
We don't like to bother others, and try to be independent.
We ask questions.
We love long bus/train rides (esp when its cold and vacant).
Etc etc.

Sorry, if you don't see me online tonight, please sleep early cause I've already turned in. I'm sick. You rest early too, nite.

Time?

2007-03-12T23:06:00.000+08:00

This is crazy. I left office and 9:25pm today, and I've got an email to reply to before I sleep! There's so many things I wana do this holiday but I cant find the time to. I hardly have 30mins to eat lunch now!

Things I wana do this holiday:
- windsurf
- chill out at rendang
- finish my book 'doing church as a team'
- learn keyboard AND guitar
- get certified as a lifeguard
- evaluate my life for the past 3 months!
- get a job!
- work on my languages and future plans

There's sooo much more stuff I wana do but I don't have the time to. Maybe I should quit this and get moving! I need a rest hahaa.

One more thing

2007-03-11T21:41:00.000+08:00

I never have a clear understanding of how to build character and plans to do it when I came back to church. I've made stands, for I know compromises do have serious concealed consequences. Once again I'm reminded to be careful;
thoughts + actions + habits + words = character.

Quote #2

2007-03-11T20:33:00.000+08:00

Character is not made in crisis, it is only exhibited.

Its been a tiring and stretching week for me. Looking back, I realised I've made many stands. Choosing to stand in firm in my finance and time, I've learned to say no. At the same time I've made blunders at work, lost myself in time and made many silly mistakes. I'm beginning to doubt, what I'm learning and doing lately is wise and if drawing close to you is harming you. He hasnt been speaking clear direct messages into my life lately, but my body is sending a crystal clear message to me today; fatigue. I'm feeling sick.

Quote #1

2007-03-11T01:09:00.001+08:00

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

Focus

2007-03-10T13:49:00.000+08:00

Its been a long tiring week. For the first time this year, I was unnerved and panicked. I still cant believe I was caught up over so many things that are unneccessary and could be prevented. Even now I'm still trying to unload rubbish from my mind.

Give me peace and a clear mind. Help me be effective and focused. I need to rest.

The importance of savings

2007-03-06T22:14:00.000+08:00

Some random thoughts on my way home.

If i save 500 for the next three months:
500 * 3 = 1500

If i save 100 a month in NS:
100 * 24 = 2400

I'll be or turning 22 after NS. Assuming I get a job and save 500 a month for 3 years:
500 * 12 * 3 = 18000

When I turn 25 I would have:
1500 + 2400 + 18000 = 21900

Which means I would barely have enough to hold a banquet and get married! Thats an overrated figure excluding family responsibilities etc etc. No wonder Cheryl says I should start planning for marriage. ahahha

Manage

2007-03-05T00:21:00.000+08:00

"Now you gotta manage your time, finance and talents carefully" Caijie said.

I certainly did not paid much attention to that until lately, when I find myself busy and these resources becoming scarce.

Time
I'm getting so busy I hardly have anytime for myself since the end of the last semester. Gotta find more time to rest to be able to perform at work! At the same time, people and events are trying to find their way into my schedule. Its time I learn to say 'no, see you again another day'.

Finance
Apparently, if I want to get married between 25-30, I gotta start saving up before the responsibilities start piling up after NS. Qb suggested an effective way to prevent me from developing a spendthrift habit, that is to save half of my allowance/salary. Perhaps I should open another account to deposit my salary. If I have a card access to my finance, they're in deep trouble.